Sunday, November 8, 2009 Saving Relationships One Month at a Time!

Yes, you read that correctly. There is a website called ""

What is, you ask?

Why, it's a free, online PMS-reminder designed for men, that, according to the website, is "created with a single goal in mind: to keep you aware of when your wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, daughter, or any other women in your life are closing in on 'that time of the month' - when things can get intense for what may seem to be no reason at all."

And, it's as easy as one-two-three! Guys, simply sign up for a free account, choose the women that you want to track, and start getting email notifications when that dreaded time approaches. You can send notifications to yourself for up to 5 women. (Hmm...up to 5?) Women can set their boyfriends or husbands up on know, to give them the heads up.

Even offers FREE ADVICE for fighting PMS! From ground-breaking ideas like ordering flowers ("kryptonite to PMS"), to just throwing in the towl and shopping for a new girl on, there is a solution for all forms of PMS. There's even a link called "How to Pick Women up on Public Transporation: A true player can pick women up anywhere - including on the subway. We have the tips you need to seal the deal."

Their slogan? Saving relationships one month at a time! Natch.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Morning After

I feel pretty good, all things considered. Sleep deprived? Yes. Hungover? Not even.

Great success!

It could have been a disaster. Come to think of it, the entire evening was a recipe for a hangover.

First off, I only got two solid hours of sleep. We decided the family should spend the night at Gammie & Gampys house, just a block from our adult Halloween party so we wouldn’t have to drive home wasted. We got to their house around 2:30am and Marley woke up with the sun…roughly around 5:30am. (Funny how daylight savings time doesn’t apply to babies.) To make matters worse, Marley wasn’t having it with her pack-n-play, and chose to nestle in between us, waking up every 20 minutes or so to announce that the cats were in the room.

Secondly, hello, it was a Halloween party. Everyone knows that costumes and substance abuse go hand in hand, and I was proud to represent, drinking large quantities of red wine and champagne. I kept forgetting to drink water, and chose to hydrate with…you guessed it…red wine and champagne.

But surprisingly enough, I feel OK! I don’t feel like running a marathon, but if someone held a gun to my head, I could run a few blocks.

To what do I owe this hangover success?

To a Santana’s burrito, of course! Bean, cheese, rice, and guacamole to be exact.

Ian, in a rare moment of foresight, decided that we should pick up 3 burritos (one for partner in crime, Gretchen) and put them in the fridge BEFORE the impending drunkenness. Then, when we got home, we could eat the burritos to ward off an impending hangover. GENIOUS!

Much improved over the last get together at Kelly & Chad’s house, where I decided to drink several large glasses of red wine AFTER drinking sake and other assorted beverages. When I woke up that morning, the room was spinning. I spent the next 5 hours barfing into the toilet while trying to entertain Marley with books and stuffed animals, (look how cool
Elmo looks with toilet paper on his head!) with one ear straining to hear the Child Protective Services Van pull up and outside.

But not today! Today, I am spry as a spring lamb. Today, all mothers will want to emulate me. Today, I am patient, fun, and not remotely grossed out by Marley's extreme blueberry poops. Today, Marley and I will read dozens of books, and build endless towers of blocks. We won't stop until we reach the sky!

(Right after I take a little nap.)

Why does our Pumpkin Look like a Child Molester?

Well, doesn't he?