Monday, November 29, 2010

To Barf or Not to Barf? That is the Question.

UGH. I know the first trimester is supposed to be tough. But I breezed through it so quickly with Marley! (Granted, I didn't find out I was pregnant with Marley until 7 weeks, and sometimes ignorance is bliss, but STILL.)

With this pregnancy, now at 13 weeks, I have been plagued with:
-Icky, barfy stomach
-Gnarly headaches
-Cold sweats and hot flashes (a sneak preview to menopause?)
-No energy
-General sickness
-Crazy mood swings
-Bad ideas. (Maybe I should buy that really expensive dress that I won't be able to fit into until next summer? or next Fall? It's a classic...a statement piece!)

The worst part? This is making me DEPRESSED. I've had no energy to do Stroller Strides, which is my lifeline. Because I'm not working out, I'm getting even more depressed, because I need to work out and get fresh air, but I can't. Poor Ian comes home and I am STILL in my pajamas, no makeup, looking like the frumpy wife and mother I promised myself I'd never, ever be.

The bummer is, when I feel like I'm going to barf, I can't barf. I can't even gag myself. There's just that PENDING DOOM of a barf-to-be, looming on the horizon like a creepy relative who's coming to visit you at some undisclosed date in the future. You have to always be ready for it, yet, it never comes.

Until last Saturday. I got the stomach flu. Oh yes, ripe at 13 weeks, so happy and joyous to be out of my first trimester, finally starting to feel better, and BAM. This time, the barf came. And came. I think I threw up about 10 times in 5 hours.

So now I'm on the mend, in jammies and no makeup, still no Stroller Strides, but looking forward to feeling better. Because I will start feeling better, right? RIGHT?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Top 15 Things that Don't Suck About Being Pregnant

There are so many negative things about being pregnant. No soft cheese, no sushi, no wine, no snowboarding. I thought it was high time to start focusing on the I came up with this super-cool list of Top 15 Things That Don't Suck About Being Pregnant!

1. People get out of your way in the grocery store. Large lady coming through!
2. You never drive around drunk anymore.
3. No more hangovers!
4. You can eat whatever you want. Arby's Roast Beef, anyone?
5. Caffeine is the new naughty. You used to feel guilty after 3 glasses of wine. Now, it feels downright scandalous to order a Coke with dinner.
6. People say endearing things like, "Oh, look at the belly. Isn't it cute?"
7. You live with the comfort of knowing that, if you were at sea, and your ship starts sinking, you will FOR SURE get a lifeboat. Because letting a pregnant lady drown just isn't cool.
8. No one offers you drugs anymore.
9. You don't have to suck it in! Finally you can exhale and let it all hang out.
10. No more ab exercises, because everyone knows you're not supposed to work out your abs when your pregnant. Duh.
11. Prenatal yoga!
12. Leggings become perfectly acceptable streetwear.
13. It is now completely acceptable to randomly stop whatever you are doing, and decide to "nap" or "go lay down for a bit."
14. Tie: No more cleaning stinky cat litter/no more working with toxic home cleaners. (The fumes could hurt the baby!)
15. If someone accuses you of being lazy, you can say, "Today, I was busy creating a new life in my body. What did you do?"

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Ode to

How do I love thee, my
You're a friend when I need one the most.
You deliver treasures so great in brown, cardboard crate
Before I can butter my toast.

How do I love thee, my point-and-click friend?
I drag and drop into my cart
Pink princess pull-ups, organic fruit-rollups
No more trips to Target and Wal-Mart!

From carseats to baby wipes, to diaper cream (all types)
You never let me down.
Need some Earth's Best carrots? Or butterfly barrettes?
No need to drive all over town!

Whether your Bjorn or Ergo, Britax or Graco
Pampers or Seventh Generation
It's all there for you, organic and plastic
Oh praise, joy and elation!

And when I just haven't reached free shipping
You always let me know.
Just five dollars away? Check out the sales today!
And score, "Potty Time with Elmo."

And now that you've released
My ecstasy's at its height
From Garnier hair-dye to Saline (sensitive eye)
Shopping's never felt so right!

Don't ever leave me, my
My life would spiral into despair.
I'd have to get in my car, and travel afar
(And figure out something to wear.)

Monday, November 1, 2010

"Marley and the Glockenspiel," or "We've Got Problems"


What is glockenspiel? Glad you asked! A glockenspiel is a percussion instrument, composed of a set of tuned keys (see above!) It's very similar to a xylophone, but a xylophone's bars are made of wood, while the bars on a glockenspiel are made of metal plates. (Just a little bit of trivia for you.)
I'm proud to say I scored a glockenspiel for Marley just last week, at my home-away-from-home, TJ Max.

(I love saying it--Glockenspiel. It sounds like you are saying something really funny or dirty, but you aren't!)
Anyway, Marley loves her new glockenspiel and plays it all the time. Last night before bedtime, she asked me to play a few tunes on the glockenspiel for her. (I was pretty excited because it's not everyday that Marley asks me to play the glockenspiel.)
"What would you like Mommy to play?" I asked her. "How about, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?"
Apparently that was not her cup of tea.
"NO MOMMA!," yells Marley. "NO TWINKLE TWINKLE!"
"Okay, how about the Itsy Bitsy Spider?" I asked.

Sheez! Now I was vexed. What else could I play?
"Uh....Mary had a little lamb?" I suggested timidly.
Okay. Now I was running out of options. "What do you want Mommy to play?" I asked.
"Drop it Like It's Hot!" belts out Marley triumphantly, with a huge smile on her face.
"You want Mommy to play Drop it Like it's Hot by Snoop Dogg on your glockenspiel?" I asked incrediously.
"Drop it like it's hot. Snoop Dog. Mommy play please!"
Now I don't know if you've ever tried to sing and play "Drop it Like It's Hot" on a glockenspiel, but it's not pretty. Clearly, we need to stop listening to so much hip hop in the car.