Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I'm Not Your Bitch!

Seriously. Just because I am a real estate agent and I work on commission doesn't mean that I'm your bitch.

No, I'm not that desperate to make a sale that I will work with RUDE people. And I don't think anyone should be. Life is too short to work for people that make you feel like crap.

But real estate is one of those jobs that seems to bring out the ugly side of people, and everyone seems to think that we make easy money (we don't) and are desperate to make sales at any cost (we aren't) and as such, people can treat us like crap (they can't.)

To be fair, I work with my mom, and I don't show property or write contracts anymore. For the time being I am focusing on staying home with the kids. I only do lead generation, website updates, blog posts, and SEO...that sort of thing.  I also specialize in wiping butts, cleaning spitup, doing endless loads of laundry and spending a ridiculous amount of money on Diapers.com. Anyway, when we get an internet lead, I'm the one that follows up via email and sets up property email alerts. My mom does all the rest. God bless her!

(Let's just say, showing bank-owned foreclosures with my baby in the Bjorn with one-legged bums on the front porch smoking weed and drinking Jack Daniels wasn't my cup of tea.)

When we got an online lead this morning from someone looking to buy a home in Imperial Beach, I responded pretty quickly. I found out that the buyer was looking for a detached home in Imperial Beach under $400,000, but was currently living in Japan and wouldn't be able to look at homes until Christmas. Not exactly a hot lead, but certainly a potential buyer!

I responded saying that the best way to familiarize herself from the market from abroad was to get set up on automatic email alerts for properties that match her search criteria. I told her I'd be happy to do that for her, and when she got closer to actually buying, we could narrow things down a bit.

So I set her up and sent her a list of properties. I made sure they were close enough to the beach in Imperial Beach, which she wanted...and that they all had the 2 plus bedrooms and garage she was looking for. I tried to narrow the search for homes with big backyards, like she wanted, but that's pretty impossible to do. Anyway, I set her up on a good alert system. This is the response I got:

"Well wow. That's just the sort of help I needed. For you to type in exactly the same filters as me and come up with all the same houses I've looked at online. Your obviously not that bothered about making money then. Cheers."

Really? Really? Is that really necessary? Sorry lady, but I'm not f-cking Houdini. I can't conjure up exactly what homes will be on the market in DECEMBER when you are flying out and whether or not the gardening space is sufficent.

This is how I responded.

"You have a black heart and a sad life. I hate you. I hate you and your black, evil heart. Cheers."

Just kidding! Being the professional person that I am, I responded as such.

"OK. Since you obviously don't value getting information on new listings as soon as they come on the market (most people do), I will remove you from our email list.

Best of luck in your home search. I'm sure you will find a great agent to help you out.

Stay classy. I hate you. Best,

Anyone else getting treated like crap in their jobs lately? If so, please share, and help me feel better about myself!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Depressed Dog

It's true. My dog is depressed.

My first-born--a fluffy white Pekingese named Pagoda--went from being the baby of the family to an annoyed older sibling. Before we had kids, every poo or pee was rewarded with a treat, everytime he did something cute it was cause for a major celebration, and he received up to two walks daily.

Pagoda even had his own repertoire of songs. (Well, songs I would sing to him.) They included "Pagoda-licious" (sung to the tune of Fergie-licious) and "Pekingese," (song in the tune of Edelweiss). I've even included the lyrics to "Pekingese" below, for your reading pleasure.

Pekingese, Pekingese
Every morning you greet me
Small and white, clean and bright
You look happy to meet me
Blossom of fluff may you wag and ruff, wag and ruff forever!
Pekingese, Pekingese. Bless Pagoda forever!

When Marley came along, I was so careful to be patient with Pagoda. I made sure he still felt like an important part of the family. He got all his walks (well, almost) and still got plenty of snuggle time with me.

Now that there's two kids...well, I can barely find time to shower, much less brush the dog. And the last time he got walked...let's just say that day started with an "s."

I'm a terrible dog mother. And I'm paying for it. Pagoda has been acting out...pooping in Baby Holland's bedroom and moping around the house. I feel awful. I love him so much!

When I watch those terrible abused animal commercials--you know, the ones with Sarah McLaughlin singing "Arms of the Angels," that got me to send in $19.95 a month to the animals-- I run for Pagoda and snatch him into my lap and smother him with kisses. Does he also feel neglected and unwanted? Oh, the humanity!

I pray that Pagoda understands. I hope that things will chill out a bit and I will make time to walk him more regularly and make him feel important again.

Pagoda, I love you...you're my boy!!! (Even if you just pooped in my closet.)

Any other depressed pets out there?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Fearless Honeybadger

In case you were wondering, the honeybadger is one badass mother f-cker. Check out this video. Sometimes I feel like this when I'm really, really hungry.

What does this have to do with parenting? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Do you think the honeybadger is badass?

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Best Mom Clothes: My Top 11 Items!

So the other day I found myself on Gilt again, hoarding items into my shopping cart. They included a fun, flirty dress, some cute platforms (great for fun nights out on the town) and some cute pants (perfect for work!)

Then reality hit.

What the f-ck was I doing? I don't go out, and I rarely work. Why in the heck am I spending my money on items that will rarely--if ever--see the light of day?  When day after day, I reach for my same beat-up juicy tracksuit or my leggings with the rip in the crotch?

My friend Becca from A Blissful Nest set me straight when she came over for a visit a couple of months ago.

"Christine," she said. "What you need is cute mom clothes. MOM CLOTHES!"

"You are SO right!" I said. "Why am I buying all this other crap? I need MOM CLOTHES!" I need clothes for the park, for Stroller Strides and for storytime at the library. I need clothes for doing laundry and cleaning up spit up and trips to Boneys. I need clothes that won't make me look like a total slob but that can still get pooped on.

So here are my top picks for Best Mom Clothes!

1. Toms Shoes. These shoes are ridiculously comfy and a cool, and put an edgy, flippant spin on any outfit. Love all the sassy new colors and materials! I just bought these crochet ones. LOVE them!

2. Flip flops--casual. I love these super comfy flippies for walks around town. My feet could not feel better!

3. Flip flops--dressy. I love these Tory Birch flip flops. They instantly dress up any outfit. Yes, they are super pricey, but they are soooo worth it! (Insider tip: sign up on their website for their email list, and you'll get a 20% off coupon to use on your birthday. Whoohoo!)

4. Tunic-style tops. They cover the belly and can be worn over jeggings. Yee-ha!

5. Jeggings. Love me some jeggings. Why endure painful jeans when you can rock it in your jeggings?

6. Baby-doll sundresses. They emphasize the milk-engorged boobs while hiding your fat stomach. Yes!

7. Drawstring pants. I love these rip curl drawstring pants. They are soft and flattering!

8. Scarves. I've found that these frisky scarves sass up any outfit and also hid a bulging belly!

9. Yoga clothes. Even if you'd rather down a shot of tequila then do a downward dog, yoga clothes make you feel relaxed, peaceful and ethereal. All the yoga moms I know have placid smiles on their unlined, serene faces and look slightly drugged. I strive for this. This is who I want to be.

10. Juicy tracksuits. I know, I know, some of you hate these. I laugh at myself sometimes when I wear them. But unless you get them in bubble gum pink, they are decidedly comfy and cute. And hello, it is a TRACKSUIT people, which means you don't have to try and match tops and bottoms on four hours of sleep. Score!

11. Backpack. You are always on the go, so you need a cute backpack to stay hands-free so you can smack your kids when they are being bad. JUST KIDDING. I like this one from Urban Outfitters!

Did I miss something? What is your favorite item of Mom Clothes?

Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Rule of 50%

I used to be so dependable. Completely reliable! If I said I was going to show up somewhere, I was there. And most likely, I was five-minutes early! (Let's just say, I can't wait to get the party started.)

When I had Marley three years ago, things changed a bit. I would get there...most of the time. Usually barely on time, or a little late.

Now that I have Baby #2, sometimes I show up...and sometimes I don't. And when I do manage to drag my sorry ass anywhere, I'm now 15-20 minutes late. Now that I think about it, since I've had two kids, I only show up for roughly 50% of my fun kids activities or scheduled social engagements.

It's not that I don't want to, or that I'm not trying. Take tonight, for example. After enduring a Week from Hell with my two kiddos, my husband gallantly agreed to let me go to an art show with my good friend Julia tonight. A girls night out! I could wear makeup. I could wear a normal bra (with nursing pads inserted, of course.) I could wear earrings! I could wear my new coral lipstick color that I love and my husband hates! (It's beyond sassy, he just doesn't know it yet.)

Enter: sickness. I have a terrible sore throat, body aches, and a fever. And coughing up blood! (Or was that the cayenne chili powder I gargled after I looked up "herbal remedies for sore throat" online?) Anyway, I'm SICK and now I can't go to our fun and exciting girls night out. For f-ck's sake!

That got me to thinking what a terrible flake I've been lately. But it's not really my fault. I can't help not showing up if Marley has a nasty cough/Holland is constipated and grumpy/my husband is sick/I have to take my dog to the vet/I got locked out of my house all day/I backed my car into a pole/someone has pinkeye/my computer has a virus and I'm waiting for the computer guy/the cat ran away/a swarm of angry bees is trying to get inside my house.

Anyone else feeling like a HUGE flake lately?