Friday, December 9, 2011

Perverted Phone Calls...Back in Style!

I thought perverted phone calls were a thing of the past. Like, didn't that stop in the 90s when caller-ID came out? You know, the gross suggestions, heavy breathing into the receiver, conspicuous background noise?
I'm here to report that they are making a comeback! I got one today.

I was driving through Jack-in-the-Box with the kids. (Not everyday you get a pervert calling your cell phone when you are ordering a shake and a spicy chicken sandwich.)

I'm not going to go into details about what the caller said...let's just say HE KNEW MY NAME and it was GROSS and it involved specific questions about a specific part of my anatomy (which also happens to be another word for "feline.") I was taken aback and responded with, "What? Oh my god, oh my god, what did you say? Ew, GROSS, GROSS, EWWWW!" and hung up. Apparently he liked that, so he called for round two. I just hung up.

His number was blocked, of course.

The only way someone could get my cell phone number is through my real estate business (unless I have some really f-cked up friends), so I called my mom to warn her, since she's my partner.  Here's what she said.

Mom: Well, next time he calls, get a WHISTLE and blow it into the phone really hard.

Me: A whistle?
Mom: Yes, a WHISTLE. Keep one in your pocket and blow it into the phone if he calls again.
Me: (Sarcastically) OK, I'll go get my whistle. Wait, I can't find it. Can I borrow yours?
Mom: I don't have a whistle. I don't even know where you'd get one.
Me: OK.
Mom: He was probably jerking off, you know, the caller.
Me: Mom, GROSS! I don't need to talk about that.
Mom: Well, Christine...that's what they do. That's why he called you back. He was jerking off.
Me: Mom, GEEZ! I'm 34, I know what goes on in the world. We don't need to talk about it!

I don't know what's more disturbing. Getting a perverted phone call from someone jerking off, or discussing it with my mom.

So I guess I'm out to buy a whistle. So I'll be ready for you, pervert crank caller. BRING IT!