Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Sh-t I Love: Unsolicited Parenting Advice in Vons Checkout Line

You know you love them. Complete strangers who seem to know more about rearing your children than you do, and take it upon themselves to SHARE THEIR EXCELLENT PARENTING ADVICE WITH YOU IN PUBLIC.

Take yesterday. I was in the checkout line at Vons, and got this little nugget of wisdom from the Vons checker lady.

Date: July 26, 2011
Time: 10:20am
Location: Vons supermarket in Coronado
Nugget of Wisdom: My Baby is Cold

I am in the checkout line. I have managed to gather my groceries without my baby waking up. Great success!

Vons checker lady eyes my baby who is snug in her carrier inside the shopping cart, sleeping peacefully. I think she is staring at my baby because Holland is so cute. I WAS MISTAKEN.

"You should cover up your baby, it is very cold in here," she says.

I look down at Holland, who is blissfully content, covered in pajamas with feet, and a onesie underneath. She is practically RADIATING heat she is so warm in there. I am IMMEDIATELY ANNOYED.

"Oh, she's fine," I said, smiling and looking the checker straight in the eyes, daring her to challenge me.

Which she did.

"No, it's REALLY cold in here," she said to me, as if I wasn't standing in the very same store with her, less than 2 feet away.

"She's warm," I said. "Really, she is."

"But it's SO COLD in here," insisted Vons Checker Lady.

She then proceeded to REACH OVER THE CHECKOUT STAND and reach into my baby's carrier and PULL DOWN THE COVER on top of the carrier. Which then woke up my happily sleeping baby. "Waaaaaa!" cried Holland.

"There, that's much better," the checker said. "Your baby says, 'keep me warmer mommy, otherwise I will get sick!'"

Um....yeah. What the f--k? Did she really just talk to me in a baby voice, impersonating my child? I want to dump out my groceries and suffocate her in the Vons bag.

"Have a great day Mrs. Van Tuyl," said Vons Checker Lady cheerily, sliding over my receipt. She is jubulient that she has acheived her goal...saving my baby from certain illness, possibly death. "You saved $8.43 today!"

I looked at her nametag. Vons Checker Lady was actually the SUPERVISOR. Geez. Go supervise yourself straight to the hardware store down the street...because you are a TOOL!

Anyone else getting unsolicited parenting advice lately?


  1. My biggest pet peeve is friends that feel the need to parent my children while I'm standing right there!

  2. omg, I can't believe she kept going after you (the Mom) said that baby was just fine. What a clueless fucking IDIOT!! I can't believe she freakin woke up your baby. oh I'd be pissed.

  3. The rule is - if you are comfortable, baby probably is too. I'd have been livid if she reached for my kid, though. GTFAway from my baby, B, before I knock some sense into you! Some people truly overstep, and it drives me nuts. The key is to shut them down from the 1st whine - just like I do w/ my kids. Lalalalalalalala. Cuz, I'm mature like that.

  4. This has happened too many times! I can't believe she reached over that close to your baby. How about "I can't believe your are touching my baby or her dirty things with those gross hands that have touched countless germs today?"

    BTW, on the topic of my organic blog . . . all things organic will specifically say "Organic" on the front label. All-Natural and Organic are NOT the same but if you're only choice is All-Natural or "Regular" go All-Natural. :)

    BTW2, I am your newest follower :)

    april@Party of Five

  5. I had my little guy in the baby Bjorn at Kohl's when he started to get fussy. I bounced on my heels to settle him down, and a cashier in another aisle
    RAN over SCREAMING and yelled, "don't shake your baby, he will die". She then PUT HER HANDS on his little head and held on. I had to peel her off of us! It was insanity. I was sooo pissed.

  6. Great post! What is it about shopping that makes people act like this? I have several similar stories! For the record-I always welcome my friends help in parenting. They are truly my children's friend too, right?

  7. Wow that is so pushy! I had my 6 month old son in the pool (with sunscreen on and a hat) a few days ago and a stranger came up to me and proceeded to tell me how her brother was sunburned so badly as a child that they had to take off layers of his skin. Then she told me I needed to get him out of the pool. I always love advice that's given with a horrific story sprinkled in!

  8. Oh my ladies have the best stories! Her brother's kid was probably an albino. Yeah I love how they like to mix in super scary stories. Like that helps our state of mind as parents...that's all we need is more fear.