That's right, I am taking pregnancy tests. The time has come. We are trying for number two.
I'd really like to have another baby. I think other people think I really want to have another baby, too. I took Marley over to our neighbor's house the other day, to play with three kids--all siblings. Grace, age 8; Cameron, age 4; and Aja, age 1.
Aja is really little, and sorta looks like a sweet little baby. I pick her up, carrying her around the yard, and little Cameron runs up to me, very serious. "Please don't take our baby," he whispers, tugging at my jeans. "Are you going to take our baby?" Must have been something in my eyes.
Not that there's anything wrong with being an only child. I'm an only child, and look how great I turned out! And some of my very favorite people in the world are only children...Julia, Brie, and Claudia.
And if we only have 1 kid, then we won't have to move. We can continue renting our awesome two bedroom condo in Coronado. And if we are eventually able to buy something on the island, a two-bedroom would be way more affordable than a three bedroom.
Also, if we have just Marley, we can start doing a lot more traveling soon. There are sooo many places I'd like to go....Italy, South of France, Costa Rica, Bali...the list goes on and on.
And, if we only have one, my life starts getting a little more interesting! I can work a little more, maybe make some money, embark on some new adventures. Oh yeah, and not to mention, not having to work my butt off to get back in shape again.
Also, let's face it, trying to procreate is EXHAUSTING! I refuse to get to crazy with "timing it out" because Marley came so naturally, I think if it's "meant to be," my second child will be just as easy. But doing it every other night is out of control! Every other night, people. I'm TIRED!
And then, it's like, hello! Things JUST started getting so much easier with Marley. Then what, I'm going to mess it all up and have another kid?
And then, there's this: Everytime I take a pregnancy test and it comes out negative, I breathe a genuine sigh of relief and smile, and pour a nice glass of wine. All logical signs point to the fact that I am not ready to have another child.
But....then....the other night, while at my friend Charity's house, I got to hold baby Sunny, who is about 6 months old. I didn't want to put her down. Ever.
I want another baby. Funny how the desire to have children doesn't necessarily conform to the standards of logic in any way, shape or form. I suppose it makes sense... the most important decisions you make in life usually come from the heart, not the head. Just like love, I guess?
Anyone else thinking of having another kid, but still sorta on the fence? What made you decide one way or another?
Yes, number two makes everything more difficult, but I would never go back to just one--they are both amazing and so different, and I feel like I would be missing something without number two :-)
ReplyDeleteIt would be sad indeed to imagine the Nakaya family without Shane!!!
ReplyDeleteI have been in a committed relationship for 4.5 years and the question of having children always seems to find its way in our conversations. I have always envisioned myself with 3 kids because I come from a big family and that is what I deemed to be best for myself; however My best friend who has been blessed with two kids...one 6, and the other 2 has changed my mind about having kids...and I no longer want kids!! I almost see it as a huge hassle because she easily gets frustrated with them and seems to really not have an enjoyable life. Everytime I call her on the phone, I can not even have a good conversaton with her without the yelling of the kids in the background or the incessant hold ons I get from her. When I visit her, she just looks like a wreck (pre-kids, she was on top of her beauty game)....her eyebrows are lacking a good wax...her roots are awfully visible and it's just not a pretty sight. Even the romanticism in her relationship has deteriorated. I can sometimes sense in her voice that she wishes that she never had kids, but she would never admit to that because she indeed loves her kids very much. She is a hardworking attorney, who juggles between both jobs (mother being the 2nd job). So I see all of this and I am simply afraid.
ReplyDeleteI do believe in nuclear relationships and have decided that 1 child will suffice (if even that), but then my boyfriend tells me that's selfish to that one child. Maybe I am utterly wrong in this whole perception of kids bringing about this type of misery, but from what I see it just terrifies me.
Please enlighten me with your thoughts, anyone....what was it like having one child, was it similar in any way to my bestfriend's situation??
I'm hoping that this perception can be debunked, because I would love to have a child if it just didn't look so damn hard.
P.S....i love this blog!
Aw Saya, thanks for the honest comment! And I can totally understand your fear. I used to think the whole idea of having kids was sorta idiotic. I'm sorry that your friend seems like she is having a rough time.
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say, however, that having Marley has been the most amazing experience of my life, in every conceivable way. :) I love every moment I spend with her, even the not-so-great ones. She has made my world seem so much bigger and so much more beautiful. We were not ready to have children--she was a mistake, for the most part, and our first reaction when we found out we were pregnant was fear, not happiness. I was working 3 jobs, and we had two trips planned--to Amsterdam, and hiking in Italy! (needless to say, we didn't make the hike, although I did really enjoy Amsterdam, and ate my way through the beautiful city.)
That being said, I am fortunate to only work part-time, and I (for the most part) do not feel pressured to do anything but be a good mom. I love that responsibility and I think that it would be really difficult for me to do anything other than focus on that. That's just me, though. And, I only have 1 kid, so far!
For sure, we can all get a little scraggly at some point, but as moms you HAVE to make time to take care of yourself and be pretty for yourself-and your husband. You HAVE to go on date nights. You HAVE to go to happy hour with your girlfriends, otherwise I imagine it would get difficult.
the thing is, having a kid is SO MUCH COOLER than I thought it would be. There are so many freaken awesome kids activities!!! But it's nothing that anyone can really explain. :) But the truth is, yes, I love Marley, but I also LOVE being a mom, and the life that I lead as a mother. It is by far the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I feel happier, more fulfilled, more confident, and more content, and yes even more beautiful as a person than I have ever felt in my life.
I know it's sounds cheesey, but it's all true. :)
And yes, there are some not-so-pretty parts of being a mom (interupted phone conversations, included!) but for me they pale in comparison to the good parts.
ReplyDeletethat being said, I am a firm believer that having kids is NOT for everyone. I have some very close friends who will probably not have children and they lead wonderful, exciting, and fulfilling lives. I think it takes a pretty special and confident woman to admit that she does not want children and does not need to have a baby to live a wonderful life (and for many people this is true.) I give props to everyone who lives their lives honestly--kids or no kids!!
As your friend without kids, and no idea of what is like to be a mommy, I say go on that trip now girl!
ReplyDeleteGo before you cannot travel again for 5+ years and it is easy to travel long distances.
You will not regret it and maybe you can even work on the baby making while overlooking the Tuscan Hills or the Mediterranean sea of Spain.
And Marley will appreciate having you all together one last time before that bratty, annoying sibling wrecks everything ;)
And trust me she will think that way at one time or another. I came from a family of 5 with two nieces/ 1 nephews by the time I was 12. You can't escape it!
So what are you waiting for? Buy those tickets, get on that damn plane!
And I love you and am excited to catch up with you over some wine tomorrow!
wow, this is funny. I just re-read this post, and realized that I was a week pregnant when I worte this!
ReplyDeleteThat is really funny. I actually am having this debate in my head right now. Is there anything apart from the positive test that changed your mind?
ReplyDelete