Top 10 Reasons I Haven't Written a New Blog Post Lately

1. This juicy little thing, Baby Holland. Baby Holland is really into eating. Sleeping--not so much. This means I am feeding her all the time. I'm nursing her, I'm pumping my boobs, I'm cleaning breast pump parts, I'm cleaning bottles. Baby Holland is really cute and super snuggly, but she needs to take a nap. Doesn't she know that I have important things to do, like shop online, screw around on Facebook and catch up on Us Weekly?

2. Breast pump parts and bottle cleaning. Yeah. All the time there are random bottle parts and breast pump parts rolling around on the counter. They are gross and need to be cleaned.

3. Messy closet. I no sooner organize Marley's closet than it gets all crazy again.

4. Crazy bathroom. Needs to be cleaned. Note the naked Barbie Orgy in the bathtub.

5. Pekingese walking. Pagoda needs to be walked. Sometimes I try to let him out in our little courtyard, but I don't think he enjoys pooping on the flowers.

6. Playing doctor. Marley is pretty independent, and I've put her to work feeding Baby Holland, bringing me diapers and wiping down the countertops, but sometimes she needs attention. Right now her favorite game is "DOCTOR." She specializes in treating spider bites, but the other day a patient got trampled by a bunch of people who "freaked out" when they saw a lion. Playing "DOCTOR" always includes my involvement, because someone needs to be the patient. That's just the dynamic, yo.

7. Endless laundry and dishes. I swear someone sneaks into my house at night and fills my sink with dirty dishes. Ditto on the dirty clothes.

8. Stroller Chaos. Behold, the double-wide BOB Stroller. I'm always cleaning this thing out, and it's always getting re-filled with a bunch of crap.So I have to clean it out. Again. (Picture coming soon! The stroller was actually having a good day. I have to wait a good 4-6 hours for it to get fucked up again.)

9. Wine. I enjoy drinking wine, and this takes time.

10. Ian. When I do have a free moment (usually after both kids are sound asleep at night) I actually like to hang around this guy--my husband, Ian. Ian is pretty much a badass. (Let's just say he's the Honeybadger of all husbands.) Not only does he work his butt off selling boats to people who don't need to be buying boats in a shitty economy, but he makes our breakfast. If he wasn't around, there would be no breakfast. And no place to live since he supports us.

Are your kids, pets, or other family members selfishly taking up all your time and preventing you from accomplishing your dreams? What would you do if you had more time?