Testing Your Breastmilk for Alcohol: A Step-by-Step Guide!

I must say, I'm loving my Milkscreen Home Test for Alcohol in Breastmilk strips. For raging winos casual drinkers like me, they are just the ticket. Although I don't drink often, I do enjoy the occasional bottle glass of wine, and it's great to know if my milk is safe for Baby Holland to drink. If I'm ever unsure, I simply test my milk with these bad boys, and SHAZAM! They'll tell you if your milk is safe, or if it's time to pump and dump. All you have to do is put a little breast milk on the strip, and if it changes or darkens in color...your milk is tainted with alcohol. If the strip stays the same, you're in the clear!  Weeee!

For your reading pleasure, I conducted several tests. Here are the results!


Specimen 1. FAIL!

Date: October 25, 2011.
Time of Milk Testing: 7:35pm.
Location of Drinking: Coronado Brewing Company. Kids Night. Ha!
Drinks consumed: 16 oz of Orange Avenue Beer. (Equals roughly 2 beers, but I was cool and drank out of a large mug.)
Food consumed: 4 buffalo chicken tenders and 1/2 a side salad.
Summary: I was pretty buzzed by the end of dinner, so I'm not surprised that my milk failed this test. I was disappointed because I was able to pump 6 ounces of milk when I got home from dinner, and was hoping it would squeak by. My buffalo chicken tenders were delicious though, and the dinner was quite enjoyable. I find it ironic that I was able to garner a big enough buzz to fail the milk test on Kid's Night. No place is safe!

Specimen #2: PASS!

Date: November 6, 2011
Time of Milk Testing: 6:45am
Location of Drinking: Night before...Ortegas Mexican Bistro for dinner, Candelas in Coroando for wine, Peohes in Coronado for more wine, and Il Fornaio for...yep...more wine.
Food Consumed: Fresh lobster, served up Baja style! Delish!
Drinks Consumed: 2 glasses of Sangria at dinner, and 4-5 additional glasses of wine (I lost count).
Summary: It was date night, and we went big. Incredibly enough, I was NOT hungover the next morning, which I could not believe. Either I am a total alcoholic or I went to bed early enough to avoid a hangover. Uh...yeah. Anywho, have you seen the episode of Kourtney and Khloe where Kourtney gets super wasted one night, and her milk STILL tests positive for alcohol the next morning? Well, to be safe, I decided to test my milk also. Amazingly enough, it passed!  Whoohoo!

Specimen #3: FAIL.
Date: November 8, 2011.
Time of Milk Testing: 8:21pm.
Location of Drinking: Casa de Van Tuyl (our lovely home)
Food consumed: Pasta and salad.
Drinks consumed: 1.5 glasses of red wine.
Summary: I was hoping that my hearty artichoke pasta would soak up more of the wine. Alas, it did not. Although I can't say I felt buzzed by the end of the meal, I was feeling spry and spunky. I only pumped a measly 3 ounces of milk, so no great loss. WHATEV.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this experiment. Happy testing!

Anyone else tried these strips? What do you think?