Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Top 10 Signs You're a Crappy Mom

"You're such a great mom."

Ahhh....music to my ears! Nothing sounds sweeter. Those words make me glow. They make me feel like I've won an Oscar. Like I've scaled Mt. Everest. Like I've written a Pulitzer-prize winning novel. Like I've...well...you get the picture! To all the moms out there, I ask you... Is there a greater compliment in the world?

But some days I feel like I'm not a great mom. Like I'm not even a GOOD mom. Sometimes I feel like a downright crappy mom. Some days, the stars are not aligned. I'm not the happy, earthy mom with a perfect side-swept bangs peacefully breastfeeding her baby in public. I'm the ANGRY MOM with messy hair guzzling a latte and yelling at her kids in Target. I'm the impatient mom honking at the intersection because the old person in front of me can't find the accelerator fast enough. (I'm probably headed to Target where I'll  guzzle a latte and yell at my kids.)  I'm the mom who can't wait to put her kids to bed and pour a tall glass of wine. (I'm probably bitter because I have messy hair and have spent my day at Target yelling at my kids and honking at other drivers on the road.)

So yes, I've been feeling like a crappy mom lately. Since it's been bothering me, you know I have to write about it. Here are the Top 10 things that make me feel like I'm a crappy mom.Can you relate?

Top 10 Ten Signs I'm a Crappy Mom


1. I give my baby formula.  Everyone knows that breast milk is the best food for your baby. Yes, I managed to successfully breastfeed Marley for nine months with minimal formula supplements. The first month every time I nursed it hurt so badly I'd start crying. (And if you tell me, "If you're doing it right, it shouldn't hurt" I will smash my breast pump over your head. I was doing it right and it hurt.) Holland was another story. She was over 9.1 pounds and had low blood sugar so they gave her formula in the delivery room. Holland preferred the bottle, and I preferred to avoid excruciating pain, so I pumped five times a day, nursed once or twice a day and supplemented with formula. Needless to say, six months later she has opted out of breastfeeding and now enjoys a nice warm bottle of Enfamil. On one hand, I'm delighted to give away my breast pump, but sad that I was not able to nurse her longer. Did I screw up? Did I pump too much? Will she grow up at a disadvantage, more prone to infections and a host of other ailments because I didn't nurse her longer? The thoughts tug at the dark corners of my mind...
2. I don't use cloth diapers. Yup. I use landfill diapers. The kind of diapers that pollute our earth, thus making it less inhabitable for our kids and their grandchildren. There's nothing really I can say about this.
3. I don't make all my own baby food. With Marley, I made most of her own baby food. I made baby apple butternut squash, I made baby carrots, I made baby green beans. Look out, Martha Stewart! With Holland...well, I've busted out the baby food maker once. The rest of the time she gets Earth's Best. It's organic, right? So is it really worse for my baby then the mushy squash I made her? Last time it was so runny that she pooped twice in her bumbo seat during one feeding!
4. I let my baby cry it out. I'm not going to pretend to feel bad about this. I let Holland cry it out because there is absolutely no reason a 18 pound, 6 month old baby needs to eat at 4am. Sorry, kitchen's closed!
5. I don't "wear" my baby." I tried to shove Holland in the Ergo. I really did. Every time I stuck her in there, she screamed bloody murder until she fell asleep. Then she woke up screaming.  I DO however manage to cram her into the Bjorn facing front for a good 30 minutes at a time. Great success!
6. I give my baby a pacifier.  Marley took the binky. It was awesome! Holland...not so much. I do, however, sneak the paci in her mouth from time to time to see if she's ready for it. Fingers crossed!
7. I let my kids watch T.V. I celebrated the day Marley was old enough to watch Baby Einstein in the Zanzibar bouncer. Imagine, eating a meal in its entirety! Now she watches Disney cartoons in the morning, Yo Gabba Gabba before "quiet time" and enjoys the occasional Tim Burton DVD. Her favorites? Corpse Bride, Edward Scissorhands and Nightmare Before Christmas. A little dark, of course, but not so bad compared to Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and some other creepy classics. Holland is just getting started on Yo Gabba Gabba.
8. I bribe my kids. Marley got an elbow to the head during soccer a couple of weeks ago, and decided she wasn't going to play anymore. I tried to get her to play again, but nothing worked. Finally, I told her if she went to soccer and "tried her best," she'd get to eat ice cream and watch a DVD. Now, every time she finishes soccer, she says, "Coach Shiloh! I get ice cream and a DVD!" So much for playing for the love of the game!
9. I got an epidural. Twice. And loved every minute of it.
10. I don't clean my own house. Yes, I'm a stay-at-home mom and I have a house cleaner. I know this doesn't really have a lot to do with parenting, but it bothers me. I don't really work anymore, so shouldn't I be able to clean my house properly? Alas, Marta does a MUCH better job than I could ever do, and she needs the work, so it's a win-win, right? My lack of skills is helping the economy and helping me achieve a clean home.

Anyway. This is what's on my mind lately.

Is there anything that's making you feel like a crappy mom?

10 comments:

  1. All those reasons are why I think you're a GREAT mom! You are realistic and don't let your kids run your life~you run theirs! I'm following every one of those when I become a mom, and will be PROUD of it!

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  2. AWE thanks Gretchen!!! Can't wait to meet little Sadie! She is lucky to have YOU as her mom!

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  3. I'm with you on 1-9, and I WISH I was there on 10. But, alas, I can't afford a housekeeper (or the cook I want either, but that's another story). Thanks for making me smile, and for making me feel a little better about my own parenting style. :-)

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  4. Awe, thanks Angel for your comment! I love the feedback! So glad I made you feel better!!! :) I'm sure you are a wonderful mamma!

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  5. I haven't been able to read your blog lately because I just gave birth to our second daughter in September. Your posts are hysterical and definitely ring true. I actually just told my friend yesterday that my 3 month old daughter has colic b/c of the fact she's on formula and wearing pampers instead of cloth diapers. Your blog is inspiring me to get back into my blog and comment on the crazy life I lead as a FT working mom with 2 daughters. My husband is gone most of the week bc of work, so I find that if I can't make fun of the situation and at laugh a little, I'd probably be committed to the loony bin.

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  6. Totally agree with you! Just found your web page as I was feeling guilty about various of your mentions; so glad to see I am not alone! My daughter began with Sesame Street but now loves Tintin and The Prince of Egypt. When she watches these shows, I have time to fold clothes, prepare dinner, clean the cat box, etc. otherwise she pulls at my legs and nothing gets done. She also plays by herself but if she sees me ¨occupied¨, well, that is when she most wants my attention unless she is watching the aforementioned shows. I´m so tired of these ¨perfect mother¨ blogs and finding yours has been refreshing. I also have a house-cleaner because I can´t get out the vacuume, mop or broom without my daughter wanting to use them (with tantrum because I let her for a few minutes but then ¨need them¨ to clean and she won´t let go of them), thus, voila! contracted a house-cleaner! And, ETC: Great post, thank you! KFB from BCN

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  7. Letting kids "cry it out" at 6 months makes them lose their trust in you because at that age, children are mentally incapable of "manipulating" so there is a legitimate reason for their crying. The crying at that age is for a "need", not a "want". Look it up. And more and more, TV watching is leading to more mental issues such as ADHD, that's why they say not to let them watch it. Is that 30 min. to an hour worth the YEARS of struggle that your child will give you in the future? You will look back and regret not changing the little things in order to help the child's future problems! It's what's best for the child, NOT YOU! Everything else, no one cares...

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  8. I came here to gain some insight abot being a bad mother (i feel like one), but find this post a bit hypocritical. It seems like you are proud of doing the things you call crappy. By your list i become worlds gratest mum (but i am not) -
    *I breastfeed (it wasn't painful for me, so it was an easy choice),
    * sometimes i use cloth diapers and mostly buy eco disposable diapers (not so much for the Earth, more becouse i worry about the chemicals used in regular ones),
    *i am doing baby lead weaning, so you can say i make food for my baby,
    *I would never ever do "cry it out" - that's cruel thing to do!
    * Sometimes I wear my baby, becouse it's more convenient than stroller.
    *i don't give pacifier to him, becouse i dont like the idea that he would be addicted to a piece of plastic.
    * He is too little for TV (11 months), but sometimes he sees it, when we are whaching something.
    * i didn't had an epidural.
    *i clean my own flat.
    So what? Does that makes me a good mother? At least i don't feel that.
    * Our flat is small, I let my baby to play unsupervised in the other room. It could be dangerous, but I don't have a pacience to go after him all the time.
    * We have a cat. Baby loves to play with it and has had a few schraches. I can't isolate them and don't supervise them all the time. That could be dangerous too.
    * I don't make a big deal when baby starts to play with dirty objects like shoes, mop, lid of the bin. I am not good at housekeeping anyway, so the flat is not very clean all the time. (My only hope is that that's boosting baby's imunity. He realy hasn't been ill yet)
    *I worry that I don't spend enough time playing and talking with him. He likes to play on his own, so I am using this situation little too much. Im allways in my thougts worrying or daydreeming, reding something or waching films. I feel I should do more for the baby, I fear Im not allways there for him emotionaly.

    That's what I call crappy and neglectful. :( But of course every mother has her positive and negative sides. I try not to yell at my child, you yell, but in the same time are not neglectful. Nobody is perfect and nobody ir entirely bad.


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