So...did Questionable Parenting Make it in the Top 25 Funny Mom Blogs?

I begged. I pleaded. I whored out my blog to you for over a week, pimping out posts and groveling for votes. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Because why not? Why WOULDN'T I enter a mommy blog contest, going head-to-head with the top mommy bloggers in the nation? Why shouldn't I compete with mommies with thousands of followers, who get listed by Forbes and Time Magazine as top mommy blogs? Blogs who had actual, real SPONSORS? When I had but a measly 65 Facebook followers? Right. As if I don't have enough stress in my life. WHAT WAS I THINKING? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I know, I didn't think my blog would get any votes to make it to the Top 25 Funny Mom Blogs to begin with. But...I started getting some votes! And then I grew...OBSESSED. I had to make it in the Top 25! I started waking up in the middle of the night, checking my phone to see how I was ranking. I lost sleep. I pissed off my husband trying to write witty blog posts to secure votes. I didn't walk the dog. Laundry started to pile up. I developed a nervous tick in my left eye. (Just kidding...I didn't get a nervous tick, but it wouldn't have surprised me.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA And you...you endured my posts, my endless pestering, my relentless, shameful self-promotion. And you VOTED! And guess what? I made it! Thanks to YOUR votes, Questionable Parenting made it in the Top 25 Funny Mommy Blogs! When voting ended, I was in position #21. WOW! You guys are AMAZING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'd like to point out that I am one of the few mommy bloggers who ranked in the Top 25 after entering the contest so late, and certainly one of the newest blogs with the fewest followers. But this proves that it's all about quality, not quantity baby! My readers are QUALITY! (Basically, you guys rule.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA So thank you, thank you, thank you for voting for my blog. You have made one spastic, hormonal, hugely pregnant mommy very, very happy! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA And now that the contest is over, I can get back to stressing out and obsessing over other things, like scoring great deals on Gilt and Zulily, decorating the nursery, worrying about my boobs and watching Robert Downey Jr movies.

7 Things I'd Say to Robert Downey Jr if I Sat Next to Him on a Plane

There is just something about Robert Downey, Jr. I admit it...I am smitten.

I believe he has even replaced my all-time celebrity crush, Daniel Craig.

(Don't worry Daniel, I still think you're hot.)

Anyway, I will sit through Iron Man (#1 and #2) just because I think Robert Downey Jr is so freakishly sexy. (And by the way, I didn't post these pictures just to gratuitously show off Robert and Daniel's abs...I just wanted to make sure you knew who they are.)

Well I found myself thinking about Robert Downey Jr, and what would happen if I ever met him. Who knows? It could happen. Perhaps a few years down the road, after I am a highly-paid celebrity blogger, and my book has been made into a movie starring Sandra Bullock. Maybe I would find myself seated in first class on the way to the big city for a press tour. And lo and behold...who would I find in the seat right next to me? Why, it's RDJ!

(Mind you, RDJ has nothing on my husband Ian, who happens to not only be a stone-cold fox, but is also a fabulous husband and amazing Daddy. But a girl can dare to dream, right?)

So, back to the fantasy. Perhaps RDJ would find me intriguing enough to order some champagne (he's not sober now, is he?) and engage me in conversation. Here are the top seven things I might say to Robert Downey, Jr if I sat next to him on a plane.

1. "Why thank you, Robert! I'm actually much older than 22. But what can I say...life has been good to me!"

2."From the looks of your abs, I can see that fitness is a big part of your life. Can I touch them?"

3. "Why thank you! Yes, fitness is also a big part of my life. Yes I've had two kids. Oh stop it...you're so kind!"

4. "I can see you are taking off your shirt. Does this mean you want me to pour syrup and strawberries all over your abs and lick them off?"

5. "I heard you used to be a total drug addict. Did you ever do LSD and have any wicked hallucinations? Please share."

6. "Robert, thank you so much for the invitation to join you for a drink in your penthouse suite at the Ritz. But I have to remind you--despite the fact that I am still licking strawberries and syrup off your abs--I am a happily married woman. So you'll have to find some other girl to join you for a drink."

7. "Yes, I would love to be your Facebook friend!"

Thanks for reading! And if you think I am even REMOTELY funny, please vote for my blog for the Top 25 Funny Mom Blog contest. Just takes one-click! Thanks people!

UPDATE: Let's just say that my husband was NOT super stoked on today's blog post, and has decided not to vote for me because I mentioned licking strawberries and syrup off RDJ's abs. I feel very bad about this Ian, and the truth is, I would MUCH rather lick strawberries and syrup off YOUR abs! Here is a picture of my super hot and wonderful husband. How did I get someone this hot to marry me? I don't know. But I love you baby, and I'm off to the store to buy strawberries and syrup! xoxo

Isn't he cute?