Tuesday, February 22, 2011

An Open Letter to Christine's Boobs

Dear Boobs,

I was going through my wedding pictures the other day, and there, snug in my low-cut wedding gown, I saw you! My old boobs! Old friends! How I miss you, old boobs. You were so happy and perky and full of bounce and vigor!

And then...I had a baby. You turned from simply a "nice rack" (as my husband would say) to a life-support system for a newborn infant, delivering nourishment and comfort around the clock. For nine months. And then, when your work was done, you disappeared! Where did you go? Why hath you forsaken me?

Tube tops and strapless dresses--once so flattering and sassy--are now a thing of the past. Even nightgowns don't hang right! Now I don't even THINK about leaving the house without my special Victoria's Secret bra that adds up to two cup sizes (and it does, thank God!)

My husband, well, although he is a self-proclaimed "boob man" and was always your biggest fan, has taken it pretty well. I can see he misses you sometimes, but sadly, not as much as I do.

I wonder, is anyone secretly happy with their boobs after breastfeeding? (And if you are still breastfeeding, don't even think about replying because you still have MILK in your boobs.) And spare me all the "Motherhood is beautiful, my boobs are beautiful because they fed my baby." Boobs, I'm proud that you fed my baby also, but that doesn't mean I'm stoked on your decision to ABANDON me! And, even scarier, now I will have a second baby to breastfeed. What will become of you then?

Then again, maybe I'm missing the point here. Boobs, I know your job is to have a specific function in our society--mainly feeding a child--and yet we turn you into an object of lust and vanity. Perhaps this is all my fault. You did your job, you fed my baby, I should be stoked on you and not complain about you. I should be happy that--what is left of you--is happy, healthy, and for goodness sakes, cancer-free. I should be applauding you, saying "Go Boobs!"

But still. I miss the way we were.

As a society in general, I know we are too quick to run to the surgeon's office to cure our self-image woes, risking pain, recovery time, and other drawbacks. But...still.

I want you back, old boobs! (Although they wouldn't REALLY be you, they would be part silicone or saline or whatever they use these days.) I want my old body back. And if I can afford it, why not? Or is that vain, fruitless, stupid, or even dangerous?

Boobs, I guess I will just have to wait and see what the future brings. But if you want to come back for a visit...even if it's just while I'm breastfeeding...that's OK with me. I'd love to see you again!



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