Monday, May 2, 2011

Behold: Porn for New Moms!

My good friend Brie surprised me with a sweet little morsel of a gift the other day, a book that all moms should read. No, it's not What to Expect When You're Expecting or the Happiest Baby on the Block...this little treasure is called Porn for New Moms.

Porn for new moms? I was confused! But I must admit..my interest was immediately piqued. Porn for new moms? Really? What could this be? Did Brie really bring a book of pornographic materials into my house? Or was this a gag gift? Was it safe to look at around my daughter? Though innocent enough, the cover held a strange allure:



What was INSIDE? I just had to know.

I tore into the book. Inside I found pictures of hot men in various stage of Daddy-dom...changing diapers, cruising baby around in the Bjorn, vacuuming, and cooking dinner for Mommy...complete with funny quotes.
I found myself simultaneously laughing and excited by these pictures...lets face it, the guys are hot, and they all have such big, pulsing...hearts!

For your own...er....reading pleasure, I have included photos of a few of my favorite pages. Enjoy!







Turns out, there is a method to this madness...the pictures in this book are scientifically proven to get new moms all hot and bothered. The Cambridge Women's Pornography Cooperative (CWPC) actually spent months in a lab testing all sorts of titillation to see what turns new moms on. They brought in all sorts of men in various stage of undress in front of a group of new moms. The response? Lukewarm. But when they brought in daddies with newborn babies--and had them perform simple household tasks--the readings went off the charts!

Needless to say, I immediately ordered two more copies on Amazon and re-gifted the original to my friend Alicia, who had just given birth to her second daughter.

And husbands, are you getting this? If you want to get lucky tonight, help us take care of the baby and do some housework, for goodness sakes!

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