Monday, May 16, 2011

Up the Butt on my Birthday

During my last doctor's appointment, I was informed that it was time for the Strep B test. I totally forget what this is for, but I do know that it involves the doctor sticking something up my butt. "Great," I grumbled to myself as the nurse told me to disrobe from the waist down. As if--with all that's been going on down there lately--I really want something up, or even NEAR my butt area.

But strip down I did, and luckily my doctor was speedy and painless in collecting the specimen.  Whew...glad that was over!

Today, I showed up at the doctor's again for yet another appoinment. (I'm 37 weeks so I go every week now.) Actually, my real doctor is on vacation drinking wine in the South of France, so this was another doctor. 

"Well, it's time for your Group B Strep test," the nurse announced as I got comfortable on the table. "Please disrobe from the waist down."

"Hey, wait a second," I objected. "I already got that test. I got it last week with Dr. Nystul."

"You did?" she asked. "Hmm...the computer doesn't show ANY record of it!"

"Well, I got it," I said. "And I'm really not anxious to do that one again. Besides, it's my birthday!" This is true. Today is my birthday. I am 34 years old today.

The nurse apologized and said she would look into it. Well, turns out the results were "lost" somewhere in the lab, and I had to repeat the test.  GEEZ!

Luckily, this doctor was also fast and efficient, so it wasn't too uncomfortable, but STILL. No one wants something stuck up their butt on their birthday!

The good news is, I am 3 centimeters dialted and 50% effaced, so it looks like Baby Holland MIGHT arrive prior to her due date on June 6. Happy with this bit of information, I practically skipped out of the office, immediately forgetting the prior molestation.

I was almost home when my cell phone rang. "This is the nurse from Dr. Pattengill's office," the voice said. "I am soooo sorry to do this to you, but we have to ask you to come back and do another Group Strep B test. I used the wrong culture, so we need to re-test. I'm so sorry."

Seriously??? On my birthday? So back I went. Of course, I called Ian to complain on the way over. "It's my birthday, and I have to get something shoved up my butt, not once, but TWICE."

"Well, it could be worse," he said.

"Really?" I asked. "What's worse then getting something stuck up your butt twice on your birthday?"

Ian laughed and admitted that he didn't know.

Anyway. So, to reward myself from getting poked up the butt TWICE on my birthday, I ordered this from It's the Janet Tundra shoulder bag from Badgley Mischka.

Isn't it lovely? Except, instead of $498, I got it for $149 on SALE. In case you didn't know, that's a savings of $349, or 70% off. Did I NEED this new bag? No, I did not. But I think I deserve it after my day!

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1 comment:

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