Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Top 8 Things Strangers Say to Me About My Huge Pregnant Belly
1. Are you having twins? Fuck you. This comment is so fucking unoriginal that I won't even glorify it with a response.
2. There's something in there that wants to get OUT! This one was actually kinda funny, because I was in Rubio's buying a burrito, and the guy that said it had a southern accent.
3. When are you due? Today? Ha ha ha. No, actually in a few weeks, but since you're so fucking hilarious I'll save you some of the afterbirth.
4. You must be soooo uncomfortable. No, not really. But come a little closer and I'll show you uncomfortable...watch me kick you in the shins!
5. I can't even tell you're pregnant from behind! Apparently this is a compliment, but it just underscores the fact that the only place I have gained weight is my belly, which means that my baby is going to be HUGE.
6. Is your husband a big guy? Again, insinuating that my baby will be HUGE and I must have a Neanderthal husband in order to create such a large baby. (For the record, at 5'11 and 180, I don't consider Ian a particularly "big guy.")
7. You're having a c-section, right? As a matter of fact I'm not. I am going to attempt to push this baby out, risking my vagina's life in the process. Thanks for reminding me!
8. You're having a healthy baby, so there's a lot of fluid in there. This comment was from my friend Barbie in book club. This comment actually made me feel sooo much better, because YES, I am having a very healthy baby, and with healthy babies come a LOT of fluid! So it's not all baby in there, it's just a lot of fluid. And it doesn't hurt when fluid comes out. Yay!!!
So next time someone asks me what's going on with my belly, I'm going to say, "Back off. Obviously, there's a lot of FLUID in there. GAW."
Anyway. I'm more than a little scared of this birthing experience. May the force be with me! (And lots of drugs.)
Anyone else here push out baby #2? Was it easier, faster, or less painful in any way? If so, please share!