My First Passion Party

Possibly the best thing about not going into labor yet is that I got to attend my very first Passion Party. My friend Ann Marie hosted the shin-dig the other night at her house down in the Cays.

In case you haven't been to a Passion Party, it's basically a girlie get-together where they showcase and sell all sorts of adult toys and lotions and lubes to spice things up in the bedroom. (Not that there's anything for me to spice up these days...at 37 weeks pregnant, that's the last thing I'm looking for.)

Still, I was super excited to check out all the stuff--for future use. I was sure there was something great and fun for me to buy! I would emerge from this party uninhibited...a liberated sexual goddess, ready to explore new boundaries!  (just as soon as I get Baby Holland out and I'm sufficiently healed...let's say in the next 2 months.)

First, the sales rep introduced the edible lotions and massage oils. We got to sample, smell and lick. All good stuff, but we seem to already have plenty of this stuff at home.

Then came out the toys. It was a parade of battery-operated items for all manner of titaltion and stimulation. Internal, external, you name it.

But I couldn't help but wonder...do people really need this much help in the bedroom? (Not that there's anything wrong with mixing it up a bit.) But are the batteries really necessary? What's wrong with good, old fashioned sex?

Then out came the Bunny Bliss. The Bunny is apparantly the mecca of battery-powered bliss. This dual-action contraption had everything from vibrating ears to rotating beads.

Well, this would definitely do the trick, I thought as I held the Bunny in my hands, testing out all TEN different speeds and pulse patterns. But wouldn't this thing render Ian and his appendage sort of...obsolete?

"I think maybe this is for single people," said my friend Jesi when I quietly posed the question to her.

Anyway, after inspecting all the items in their spinning, vibrating, pulsing and synthetic glory, from the Plush Bendie to the Blossom Bliss, I decided to bring home...a scented candle.

That's right. Clearly, I'm a total prude.  But at least I didn't bring home a big, black dick. That was an option. (Technically, it's called the Chocolate Thriller.)

To be fair, the candle is a special massage candle, called the Soy Seduction Candle.

"Look baby," I said when I got home from the party. Ian was laying in bed, watching TV. "I got us something from the Passion Party. It's a scented candle! Smell it, it smells sooo good!"

"I can't smell anything right now," he said to me. That's right, I forgot. He had a sinus infection. I left him at home with Marley while he was sick so I could attend the party.

"Well, anyway, it smells really nice." I noticed Ian was smirking at me a little bit.  "There was all kinds of stuff there, but you know what? I don't think we need any of it! I mean, what's the point of all the toys and stuff when things seem to be working out just fine without them?"

"I told you those parties were lame," he said.

But I noticed he was smiling.

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