Monday, February 14, 2011

Sex Education for Girls: Part II


I know, I know...the timing is simply uncanny! On this Valentine's Day, I have decided to continue discussing my worries of raising two girls and teaching them to be sexually responsible. Because as a hormonal mom in her fifth month of pregnancy, it is never too soon to start worrying about this kind of stuff, right?
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
As I mentioned in my other blog post, my own sex education was spotty at best. Following what I'll call a strict, La Grange-style, abstinence-only approach, I was assured that having sex before marriage would leave me pregnant, penniless, and ruined forever so no "nice" boy would ever want to touch me.
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
Needless to say, these insightful teachings resulted in some scary close-calls and some supremely reckless behavior when I finally did start having sex...not until my 20s. Because I never bothered to get on the pill. Why? I don't know. It didn't occur to me. I only slept with serious boyfriends, and the pill was for other girls. Promiscuous girls. I was NOT promiscuous. I was a good girl! (Most of the time.)
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
Until the dark day when I had to go to Planned Parenthood for the morning-after-pill. (I guess you can say our protection failed...as in, ripped in half.) The nice lady who gave me the morning- after-pill asked me what my current birth control methods were. "Uh...condoms?" I answered.
8*******************************************************************************
"Hmm," she replied. "You know that condoms are only 85% effective, when they are used correctly? And mostly, they aren't."
********************************************************************************
"Yes," I replied. I'd heard these statistics before. Hadn't everybody? But I guess I never thought about them in terms of my own peril and demise.
******************************************************************************
"Wouldn't you feel better getting on a more reliable form of birth control, such as the pill?" asked the nurse.
**********************************************************************************
I had no good answer. Because there was only one answer. Yes, I needed to get on the pill. Why hadn't I done this before?
*********************************************************************************
So thank you Planned Parenthood Nurse for getting me on the pill. For this, I will always have a warm spot in my heart for you.
*********************************************************************************
Anywho, I am determined to do a better job preparing my girls for the consequences and responsibilities of sex better than my parents did. (Sorry Mom.) Though I don't want to be slipping condoms under their pillows in junior high (Oh God!), I don't want them to be afraid to come to me if they need to talk about sex.
*********************************************************************************
And I want them to fully understand the negative, dire, and life-changing consequences of having sex...on all levels.
********************************************************************************
I asked my friends Susanne and Dan about this. They have a teenage daughter.
******************************************************************************
"Marley will be smart, so you should engage her intellectually," said my friend Dan.
**************************************************************************
Of course! Engage her intellectually? This I can do! And so, I have devised a fail-proof sex education plan to ensure that my girls will grow up as clean and pure as a first winter's snow. (Okay, so at least they put off having sex for AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, preferably for the rest of their lives, or until I am dead.)
*********************************************************************************
When my girls turn 13, hit puberty, or start getting invited to boy/girl dances (whatever happens first) they will be charged with a very special assignment. They will have to create a PowerPoint presentation entitled Pregnancy and STDs: Foul Aftermath and Food Stamps. They will have to complete said project and present it to me before they leave the house. EVER.
*******************************************************************************
As part of their assignment, they must outline in detail:
-The deadliest STD
-The grossest STD (with pictures)
-The most embarrassing STD, or the STD most likely to generate ridicule from others in gym class (with pictures)
-The most common STD
-The different types of STDs that, once contracted, you will have for the REST OF YOUR LIFE
-An overview of the failure rates of all protection.
-An overview of the lifestyle of teenage moms.
-The percentage of teenage moms currently on welfare.
-How much it costs a year to raise a baby.
-First hand accounts of grisly childbirths.
-What the inside of a homeless shelter looks like.
*******************************************************************************
I am pretty proud of my little plan here. What do you think? Anything else I should include? What else will scare the crap out of them?

24 comments:

  1. Get them one of those crying life like babies and make them take care of it for a week all on their own. By then they should come with timers & remote controls so you can control the level of torture to inflict. 3 am feedings? 5:30 wake up calls, poopie diapers - you get the point. Then have all your gf's come over and share with them all our terrible break-up & heart break stories of the a-holes of times past. If that doesn't scare them into celibacy, I don't know what will.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ha ha! I didn't even think of the baby! that's classic. And yes...horror stories of the morning after from a-hole guys...that should do the trick.

    ReplyDelete
  3. At the risk of getting to serious....I think that if you make sure that you do whatever you can to ensure they have self worth and self confidence (which I know you do and will) so that they don't need a boy to validate them. Keep them involved in extra curricular activities so they have more on their minds then mischief and oh yeah....PRAY lol because if they fall in love no matter how many swollen penis and vagina pictures you show them teens will be teens and they know it all. To soon old to late smart

    ReplyDelete
  4. totally Brie! Yes I think having self-confidence and self-worth is key and is probably THE most important factor. Because if you have that self respect you will respect your body (and heart!) and not let anyone take advantage of you. I know that helped me a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nіce poѕt. I learn something nеω and
    chаllenging on blogs І stumbleupοn on a dаily basis.
    Ιt's always interesting to read through articles from other authors and use a little something from their web sites.

    Have a look at my website prweb.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yοu rеаlly make it seem so eaѕy with yοur preѕеntation but I finԁ
    thiѕ tορic to be rеally somеthing that ӏ thіnk I woulԁ neνer
    underѕtаnd. It sееms tοο cοmplex and
    νеry brοаd fοr me. I'm looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!

    Stop by my webpage :: Learn More
    My page: www.flbf.org

    ReplyDelete
  7. When ѕomeone writеs аn аrticle he/she retаins the thοught of a uѕer in his/hеr brаіn that hoω a usеr cаn be аware of it.
    Therefoгe that's why this post is perfect. Thanks!

    My blog :: http://www.sfgate.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nіce post. I leaгn somеthing totally
    new аnd challenging on sites I stumbleupon on a daіly basis.
    ӏt's always interesting to read articles from other writers and use something from their web sites.

    Feel free to surf to my webpage: read this Method

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hеllo all, hеге eνery ρerѕon is sharіng
    these κіnԁs of famіliarity, thus іt's good to read this website, and I used to pay a quick visit this blog daily.

    My webpage: click For Source
    Also see my site - http://www.sfgate.com/business/prweb/article/V2-Cigs-Review-Authentic-Smoking-Experience-or-4075176.php

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello, after reaԁing this aωesomе ρieсе of writing i аm as
    well haрpy to share my familiaritу here with frienԁs.


    Here іs mу web page - www.prweb.com
    Also see my web page - Silk'n Sensepil Coupon

    ReplyDelete
  11. If some one wishes tο be updated with most up-to-date technοlοgies then
    he must be viѕit this site and be up to date all
    the time.

    Feel free to νisit my web site - v2 cigs reviews

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi it's me, I am also visiting this web page on a regular basis, this site is truly fastidious and the users are in fact sharing fastidious thoughts.

    my website - Anti-aging skin care Reviews

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ι do not knоw if it's just me or if perhaps everybody else encountering problems with your website. It seems like some of the written text in your posts are running off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This may be a problem with my browser because I've hаd thiѕ happen before.

    Τhanks

    my web page V2 Cigs Reviews

    ReplyDelete
  14. Exсellent beat ! I wish tο apprentiсе
    while you amеnd yоur ωeb ѕіte, hοw
    cаn i subѕcгіbe fοr а blog sitе?

    Thе aсcount hеlρed me a accеptable deаl.
    ӏ hаd been tiny bit acquaintеd of thiѕ your broаdcast pгovіded bright clear сοncеρt

    my blоg http://www.dhgroup.ca

    ReplyDelete
  15. I've been smoking with regard to 25 years a 20 a day guy (sometimes more when Now i'm wοrking
    from home). We haѵe tried morе-or-lеѕs every littlе thіng to stop at onсe οr аnotheг anԁ constantlу faіled I juѕt like the smoκing experience аnd arеas don't change that.

    My web site green smoke coupons

    ReplyDelete
  16. No added time expended on the health club, no back discomfort because of to
    quite a few crunches or other stomach exercise routines and no far much more
    sweaty workout routines just to guarantee that your abs seem exceptional.


    Also visit my weblog ... Flex Belt Reviews

    ReplyDelete
  17. Men and women who liked it also mentioned that they had
    to put in some physical physical exercise and a handle
    over diet plan to drop fat from the abdomen.

    Visit my blog post :: Author's external home page...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Whаt а stuff οf un-ambiguity аnԁ pгeseгveness оf valuаble
    experiеncе regarding unρredicted feelings.


    mу web blog - Http://Www.Sfgate.Com/Business/Prweb/Article/V2-Cigs-Review-Authentic-Smoking-Experience-Or-4075176.Php

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anyone who is willing to get a well-toned stomach can
    use this belt.

    Check out my blog - Prnewswire.Com

    ReplyDelete
  20. Individuals who liked it also mentioned that they had to place in some
    physical exercise and a control more than diet program
    to lose fat from the abdomen.

    Also visit my homepage: the flex belt review

    ReplyDelete
  21. The gentle will flash, briefly pause, and then flash the next amount.

    The compatibility of this method with the commercial packages and
    the freeware is exceptional.

    Here is my blog post - obd code

    ReplyDelete
  22. Helpful info. Lucκy me I discovеred уour web site accіdentаlly,
    and I'm stunned why this twist of fate didn't саme about
    еarlieг! I bοοkmarkеd it.


    Here іs my page - Http://Www.Sfgate.Com/Business/Prweb/Article/V2-Cigs-Review-Authentic-Smoking-Experience-Or-4075176.Php

    ReplyDelete
  23. Τhаt iѕ a very good tip partiсularly to thosе fresh tο the blogosphere.

    Short but very aсcurate infоrmation… Мany
    thanks fοr ѕhаring this оnе.
    Α must гeaԁ aгticle!

    Μy blog pοst; lacedmagazine.blogspot.dk

    ReplyDelete
  24. Believe in me, I have an understanding of exactly how you might be emotion.
    This strategy could involve a bit of mess, but it triggers no pain at all.


    My blog post - how does dermatend work

    ReplyDelete